Having a cock can be super fucking annoying sometimes. They’ll get hard for absolutely zero reason or warning at all, vigorously pulsate and silently scream to be firmly latched onto to as if holding your best friend by the arm after he’s just fallen over the ledge of a bridge. If you let go he will most certainly die and it’s time to show some of that Cliffhanger strength. There’s no ignoring the situation and it’s time to drop everything you’re doing and find a quick place to make yourself explode. Fast.
I know, it sucks.
It’s the only way this annoying cock monster is going away. Find a bathroom stall and hold your breath. Are vaginas doing this shit? I find it hard to believe a woman’s front-butt gets sopping wet out of nowhere and completely fucking destroys her mindset until rubbing that “spongy area” for however many seconds it takes to blow her lid. Am I wrong? I don’t try to imply I know anything about women and prefer it that way. The more I learn about women - the more I can’t stand to be around them. That’s not a 100% true, but it made me laugh. I just don’t like stupid women because I’m stupid and totally into opposites attract. When women have tattoos and use words like “dude” I could really give a fuck. My ideal woman is snobby as fuck, thinks she’s better than everyone around her and is somehow financially stable so I don’t have to be there every time she wants something to eat. I’m a simple-minded tattooed piece of shit with minimal style and she should be just the opposite. When I completely fail in life and never reach my goals - I don’t need to bring someone down with me. She can take care of herself and pretty much better than me at life in every aspect. She isn’t much of a drinker neither because she has to be on her Macbook looking at clothes or other stupid girl shit when rolling her eyes because I came home drunk again. But this is all humorous fantasy bullshit, what was I talking about again? Dicks or something? Ideally I reach my goals and we constantly fight over who is more awesome.
Me, duh.
Cock monsters also suck because they fail so miserably when matched up next to vaginas. When a woman you’re crushing on text messages a “filtered” snap of her pussy it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever witnessed. Whereas any kind of dick, stiff or not, is super lame looking and only arousing for gay men to look at. Women can care less about dicks and why most straight women are more sexually aroused by pictures of other naked women. They want what we want - beauty. Men look fucking ridiculous naked unless possessing a freakishly large cock because then there’s a “wow factor” involved that warrants over 5 seconds of gawking. Naked women look like paintings full of feelings. Men look like shitheads with zero ability to feel anything. While your girlfriend/wife can blow your mind with pictures of her ass, coozie and tits - men have absolutely nothing to offer in return. You’re better off sending her a picture of yourself smiling genuinely. She’s only going to laugh at your stupid dick and feel nothing sexually. Meanwhile you’re ecstatically jacking off to a tiny picture on your iPhone before making a huge mess on your t-shirt because you didn’t pull it up high enough and just blew a load like shotgun. Men are very simple, simple, creatures.
Pussy, beer, sports and hot dogs, but I guess it could be worse - we could be a woman. I’ve always believed I was meant to be born as a dog. A really fucking lazy one that doesn’t guard shit and has to be moved by opening the front door and using it to slide my fat ass out of the way across the hardwood floor.
I won’t even lift an eyelid.
Dreams are meant to be broken and I’m stuck with this dick that looks strikingly similar to a basset hound’s. But here’s the beauty of the situation: a woman will make due with whatever cock a man is possessing because they just want your dumbass to love them and make due with the cards dealt. Women are emotional gangsters - fucking tough. Way tougher than men.
