Feces, excrement, waste product - expelled through the anus or cloaca during defecation. Magic: the art of manipulating aspects of reality either by supernatural means or knowledge of occult laws unknown to science. Put those two things together and you’ve got yourself a turd spell.
A turd spell is when a woman projects herself as everything she isn’t. Independent, carefree, confident, honest, these are a few words that come to mind. I’ve fallen for just as many turd spells as the next man and each time I’m completely shocked of how I was duped. Women are very, very, good at this. It’s their art form - their singing song. Like sailing men at sea when confronted by a mermaid, it’s only a matter of time until we’re floating face down in the toilet. Women are singing turds, but what men see is a mermaid.
A turdmaid.
They’re a piece of shit. That sounds a bit intense, but keep in mind I’m only speaking of a certain type of woman (mostly the slutty/player type.) Men are just as guilty. I’ve cast turd spells myself. I’m no Harry Potter, but once told a woman I wrote a sex advice column when in fact I was merely a contributor with 90% of my articles being rejected. She seemed so fascinated at the time I couldn’t back out now and I’m not sure why I lied - I never do that. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree over the idea of me having this interesting job/lifestyle when in truth I had just gotten out of the hospital and living with my mother. I didn’t even own a car; she was riding in my mama’s whip.
As far as I know that’s the only turd spell I’ve ever cast and it didn’t even work. A true turd spell blinds the man and it isn’t for weeks, sometimes months, before he realizes this woman sitting in the passenger seat of his car is a steamy pile of cow dung. Women have been casting turd spells since the dawn of time. When man invented the wheel - woman wiggled her little fingers and made man believe that she’s the one. Woman never walked again. She’s already painted herself as everything he’s ever wanted and who knows how long until he eventually figures out where the smell is coming from.
It’s that doodoo, baby!
She’s not independent or confident or taking care of shit! She’s a total turd and going nowhere in this life. Men are very visual creatures and all a woman has to do is shake a little titty in his face and dude’s like, “I don’t know, man. I think this girl might have a good head on her shoulders.”
She’s like the president in his eyes - or Tina Fey, but soon enough the spell wears off and he can see she’s really more of a Kelly Bundy. Fun to lust over at first, but then one day she comes home and says some shit like, “It’s so hot outside, you could lay an egg on the sidewalk.”
It’s fry an egg on the sidewalk, pumpkin, but that’s okay. I think it’s time we started seeing other people. She’s clearly nothing more than an anchor and this ship is going down.
Turd overboard!
In the words of Tupac Shakur, “If you fuckin’ with a bitch, you need to break her ass and shake her ass!”
Replace bitch with “turd,” break with “wipe” and shake with “flush.”
In the words of Jesse Andrew, “If you fuckin’ with a turd, you need to wipe her ass and flush her ass!”
