Does anybody remember when pussies used to have hair on them? Do you remember this shit? The other day I saw a picture of a girl with pubic hair and thought to myself, “That’s right! Pussies used to have hair on them!”
Sometime in the past five years it became socially unacceptable for a vagina to have hair on it. I can’t even remember the last time I hooked up with a woman who wasn’t bald from the waist down. I’ve been having sex with girls who look like they’re thirteen.
Or at least when I squint my eyes.
Fat little thirteen year old brats. I’m a pervert, but I’m not a pedophile. Why can’t pussies have hair anymore? Is that something only married men get to experience? I find it hard to believe a married woman takes the time to shave all her box. Like she gives a fuck. The bitch is finally married and that’s a wrap on bald pussies because I’m sure as shit not shaving my balls anymore once wearing a ring. It’s not like my wife is going to be anywhere near those things anyway. I plan on cutting my balls off and neatly tucking them in the priest’s blazer pocket after saying “I do.”
I won’t be needing them anymore. Plus he probably has a twelve year old boy he needs something to gag with before the kid starts screaming for help. Priests are some of the most dangerous mother fuckers on the face of this earth. And yes, I just made a joke about a priest using my severed ball sack to gag a young child with so the priest can molest him.
I’m not the monster here.
I’m just a dude who misses the kind of vaginas he once masturbated to as a teenager. We even had nicknames for them - hair pies, bearded clams, bearded oysters, muff divers (us) and of course the smoky battle axe wound. Actually I just made up that last one on a whim. In this fictional situation I’m William Wallace from the movie Braveheart and pulling up my fair lady’s dress on a cold battle field. Her warm little wet cooter is releasing smoke in the crisp morning air. It looks like a breathing dragon. Its breath is a bit ripe, but once getting your dick inside you’ll understand why William went on this crazy killing spree in the first place.
“FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOME!!!”
A pussy should have the freedom to have hair if it wants to. I don’t care. As long as she doesn’t have little coochie dingle berries it’s all good. I’m tired of having sex with women who implant the image of Dakota Fanning in my imagination when I pull their pants down. I can’t orgasm to that. Like I said before, I’m a pervert but not a pedophile. I’ll admit to seeing the occasional nineteen year old chick with a body so tight it wrings out the water and think to myself, “If only I knew what I know now when I was nineteen.”
Not that I’ve gained any deeper knowledge to life’s purpose other than to end it, but at nineteen I was naive and believed my girlfriend’s body would stay like that forever. This is before she develops a drinking habit in collage and starts shaving her box because she gets alcohol withdraw sweats in class and her pussy starts stinking like mayonnaise in the sun. She has to air that shit out. Hair traps in the stink. This is my honest to God theory to why women are shaving their crotches completely bald. It’s a stink factor. Is this true?
Who do you think has a more pleasantly smelling cooch: Cindy Crawford in 1991 or Miranda Kerr in 2012?
Kerr, duh.
Cindy’s looked like she had Michael Jackson in a scissor leg lock. You don’t think all that jheri curl juice doesn’t smell? It sure feels good on your balls though.
